Malleable Memory and Your Involuntary Ego

by Nick Collins

Do we know who we truly are? Sure, there are events that we see as life altering and look back on as key points in our own character development. Maybe it was that time we stood up for our friend at the lunch table and discovered the importance of empathy. Maybe it was the time we fell on our bike for the last time, and as we got up to conquer our training wheels, we realized we had the ability to conquer any challenge. We certainly all have these types of dramatically impactful memories, but what if we could go back and see what happened a second time over?

The odds would be pretty great that you would appear much worse than what your memory suggests. Maybe instead of standing up for your friend dramatically at the lunch table, you actually just muttered that what someone said was mean. Maybe you did get back on the bike and triumphantly rode down the street, but it took you many more attempts to go more than 100 feet without falling. How you perceive yourself may be drastically different than how others see you. We often hear this sort of sentiment in the context of sociology and philosophy, but the notion that we have an inflated sense of self does have scientific merit, specifically within the context of memory. This malleable “autobiographical memory” can be the primary source of how we view ourselves, which has significant implications in the context of both the general schema of our personality and neurological diseases that could alter that memory.

So, what exactly is autobiographical memory? Psychologists Robyn Fivush and Katherine Nelson in their paper The Emergence of Autobiographical Memory: A Social Cultural Developmental Theory defined autobiographical memory as “memory for specific points in the past, recalled from the unique perspective of the self in relation to others” (Nelson & Fivush, 2004). Essentially, when you look back on big moments in your life, these would be autobiographical memories. They can also have a “flashbulb” quality in which very particular details are recalled upon retrieval of the memory, almost like briefly witnessing the scene again.

Autobiographical memory uses the typical neural network for memory, primarily involving the hippocampus for general encoding, storage, and retrieval, as well as the amygdala for emotional attachment. There is also a complex neural network involved in the sorting of these autobiographical memories using various areas of the prefrontal cortex. This sorting can help to distinguish what is your personal memory versus what “could have happened”. The neural network involved in memories is complex, and neuroscientists still have a great deal to learn about the organ, but one thing we do know is that even in its complexity it still makes “mistakes”.

Even if you consider yourself to be the humblest of the humble, you may still have an inflated sense of confidence. Despite our best efforts to not appear arrogant or overconfident, our memory system is prone to error. In one study conducted in 1992 by Urlic Neisser and Nicole Harsch, participants were asked to describe the details surrounding when they found out about the Challenger Space Shuttle explosion. It turned out that as time went on, their descriptions became more variable than what they originally said. When we “encode” memories in our brain,

it’s not a one time process. There are actually multiple processes of encoding, storage, and retrieval for a single memory. Changes during any of these processes can result in a false sense of what may have happened. Where this becomes even more intriguing is when we analyze the specific types of errors that occur, and how they may connect to our sense of self.

In general, your brain tries to make you seem like your best self. You may have misbehaved a bit in elementary school, but you absolutely remember the day you earned a gold star for good behavior! Or maybe you remember the time you insulted your friend and made them cry, but you also remember how sorry you felt and how you made sure to be more conscientious of their feelings in the future. Both of these sorts of recollections reinforce the idea that the brain boosts our own idea of how we acted when we look back from the present, or how we have changed from “bad” actions in the past. These findings were summarized in Matthew L. Stanley, Paul Henne, and Felipe De Brigard’s study Remembering Moral and Immoral Actions in Constructing the Self. They essentially found that people generally have a greater sense that their past actions are morally upright and that they’ve changed after any sort of morally deplorable past action.

So if we know that our brain makes mistakes in memory, and our memories may make us look better than we actually are, what does that mean for our everyday lives? This is where we see how science is inevitably woven into how we view the world, and why it is so important. Imagine if everyone could recognize the ways in which the way they present themselves differ from their own self concept. For one, we may be able to empathize more with others. Recognizing our own faults is not an easy thing to do in society, and it may seem even more difficult in the face of this seemingly biologically-imposed ego. But by actually understanding that ego, and understanding that we may not be as great as we think we are, we could get a much needed reality check. We could begin to see how others perceive ourselves, and potentially notice our impacts that we may have missed in the past.

This concept was portrayed phenomenally in Ted Chiang’s science fiction story “The Truth of Fact, the Truth of Feeling”. In it, scientists have managed to develop a device to allow people to see all of their memories exactly as they played out, almost like having a camera roll of memories. One of the main characters in the story makes use of this device, but comes to realize that the way he remembered a fight with his daughter drastically differed from what actually happened. In actuality, he had said some incredibly hurtful things to his daughter, yet when he looked back on the memory without the device, these words appeared to come from his daughter’s mouth instead of his. There may be many instances of this sort of omission in our own lives, especially within our relationships. When we talk to others, it’s very easy to think that our own viewpoint is always correct, especially when we recollect what happened. Our past is our truth, yet the fact that this past is easily distorted, especially for the benefit of our own image, is something that should always be kept in mind when we have serious discussions with those around us. It’s very easy to get into fights over past events, but an awareness that our self perception can shape our memories of past actions could be vital to finding a common ground. It’s impossible to have a discussion surrounding a past event when there is a lack of agreed understanding.

The application of biased autobiographical memory to our own lives also extends to those living with neurological diseases. For instance, with Alzheimer’s, episodic (specific event) memories are continually lost. These episodic memories could be autobiographical in nature, and therefore when an individual tries to look back on their own life, especially on memories that they believe have come to define them, they could lose a part of themselves. There could be little to look back on to affirm one’s own qualities. This dilemma also enforces the fact that memories not only help us to look in the past, but also prepare for the future. There is a term in psychology called the “schema” which essentially means the way in which we interpret the world to be.

Essentially, we associate certain actions or events with certain outcomes in a way that allows us to predict what’s going to happen in the future. In the context of biased autobiographical memory, and its loss with Alzheimer’s, one could deduce that this “schema” is put in jeopardy. Just imagine how difficult it would be to live with few memories of the events that gave you your identity, even if your memory may be biased. Dr. Lisa Genova, a best selling neuroscientist and author, in a recent talk with Boston College students emphasized the importance of empathizing with those experiencing neurological diseases. In terms of those living with Alzheimer’s, from an empathy standpoint it’s necessary to understand just how much a loss of autobiographical memory can affect a person’s entire schema.

It’s hard to notice something that our brain has literally been wired to forget. It seems our minds are wired to give us a bit of an ego boost. This is not even considering the fact that American society is constantly feeding messages that promote arrogance rather than humility. With so many things in our life telling us that it’s best if we think of ourselves as better, it may be a good idea to take a break from the power trip. Of course, it is certainly a good idea to maintain your self esteem, and having self confidence is vital to living a happy life. However, it’s equally important to recognize an overemphasis of arrogance we may put in our personality even if we don’t try to. A better understanding of this biased autobiographical memory could give all of us an opportunity to reexamine how we see ourselves, and in turn how others may see us.

Works Cited

Chiang, T. (2019). The Truth of Fact, the Truth of Feeling. Exaltation. Alfred A. Knopf. Penguin Random House.

Neisser, U., & Harsch, N. (1992). Phantom Flashbulbs: False Recollections of Hearing the News About the ChallengerAmerican Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1993-97049-001

Nelson, K., & Fivrush R. (2004). The Emergence of Autobiographical Memory: A Social and Cultural Development Theory. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2004-12248-009

Stanley, M. L., Henne, P., & De Brigard, F. (2019). Remembering moral and immoral actions in constructing the self. Memory & cognition, 47(3), 441–454. https://doi.org/10.3758/s13421-018-0880-y